


Genius

by KillerQueen0806



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BAMF Peter Parker, Chaos, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, One Shot, Warning there is one (1) swearword
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 11:24:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20656439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillerQueen0806/pseuds/KillerQueen0806
Summary: “Why do I have the pleasure of you hacking me again, exactly?”





	Genius

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is just a scenario where since civil war didn't happen, Tony never figured out who Spiderman was. In the comics, Spiderman has a confirmed IQ of 240, and has hacked stark tower multiple times. This is just exploring that possibility. In this fic Peter also made Karen too because why not. Civil war? never heard of her. Infinity War? Who's that? Endgame? Not today baby.

It’s, of course, the middle of a debriefing with all the avengers, gathered around the long oak table, when disaster strikes.

And by disaster, Tony meant a grinning vigilante.

“How many times do we have to teach you this lesson, Oldman?”

Obviously, since it was the avengers and they didn’t do anything half way, even freaking out, everything immediately went to shit.

Sam’s wings extended, smacking Clint across the face and immediately sending him sprawling, while Bucky and Natasha simultaneously shot the ceiling several times (as that was where the sarcastic tone was coming from), and thank goodness he’d had the foresight to make the room bulletproof from the inside out as well, or some poor employee would have just had a heart attack when the floor shredded itself with bullets under their feet.

“Really, Spiderman?” Tony sighed while the rest of the avengers, (Barring Clint who was now unconscious on the floor) looked around frantically.

“Holy crap, that was awesome! I wish I got that on video. Aren’t, like, at least half of you trained assassins? Why are you shooting the ceiling? Some training, I say.”

(At this point, it was abundantly clear that the mystery person was talking through the speakers embedded in the room, and yet none of the avengers put their weapons down. What did they think they were going to do, shoot him through his electronic connection to the towers systems?)

“This is the third time this month,” Tony sighed, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. “Why do I have the pleasure of you hacking me again, exactly?”

“Because somebody,” the voice, who was called Spiderman, apparently, singsonged “decided to take a sample of my blood to figure out my identity again, so I’m afraid Im going to delete that info, tin can.”

“Are you also going to put those dumb trigger words in again that activate your bizarre references?”

“Yep,” Spiderman responded, popping the p as the clicking of keys echoed over the line.

“Your going to kill me of a heart attack one day.”

“Then perish!” The voice cackled manically. “Spiderman signing out, and by the way, Mr. Stark, your life might be a little easier if you just left me alone, you know.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, but when you get an order from Nick Fury to track down a random vigilante for the avenger’s initiative, you do it.”

“Honestly? Ive got a family to protect man, I can just go giving my identity out to anybody that asks, Yes, I know you claim that you wont share it, but look what happened last time! Big old data dump right where the public could read it. So no way, metal man. Also, just to let you know, you should really change your super name, Iron man is kind of false advertisement. Although, Gold-titanium alloy man doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. Well, Ciao!”

Silence reigned over the room for a fraction of a second before chaos erupted.

“What was that?”

“How did he- “

“Stark, if you don’t start explaining really fast, I’m going to- “

“Alright, alright! Jeez, you guys are worse than a room full of five-year old’s! To answer your question, yes, I was just hacked, yes, it has happened before, no he has not made any threats, besides those stupid trigger- “

Clint groaned, sitting up from where he had been sprawled on the floor. “What day is it?”  
“Don’t- “

“It’s Wednesday my dudes!” The sound was so loud it made the nearby windows vibrate.

“And there’s one now,” Tony sighed, which, he noted, he seemed to have done a lot lately.

“How did he manage to hack the tower?” The Vision questioned. “You have an array of defense measures, in addition to an A.I., which should make this building impossible to hack without-,”

“Another A.I.” Tony huffed as he sank into his chair. “As far as I can tell, he does have an A.I., which he’s most likely programmed himself, as there really isn’t a market for those things, even illegally. The kids smart, really smart, maybe even smarter than me. I can honestly see why Fury wants him on the team, but the little insect won’t join since he would have to give up his secret identity.”

The voices overlapped again as more questions sprung forth.

“But- “

“How- “

“Why would- “

“Alright!” Tony stood from his chair, quickly walking to the door. “I’m going to be in my lab for the next day or two trying to undo whatever he did this time, so don’t disturb, and adios.”

The avengers stood in shocked silence.

“Now,” Clint said, “Is anybody going to tell me what just happened?”


End file.
